Friday, March 11, 2011

Now I'm Just Depressed

I did stand-up for 6 years. Most of it horribly offensive to any decent human being. Yet my wife, who occasionally appears on The Martha Stewart Show, is the first one of us to get hate mail from an audience member.
                   I'm sorry, but that hurts. I did jokes about sodomizing the pope while saying "Who's your pontiff, who's your pontiff?". My wife shows how to make doilies, or something equally boring, and SHE gets hate mail?!

What do I have to do? ACTUALLY sodomize the pope?! The best part is, the "Hate" is directed at her for being a working mother. So we're dealing with someone who is obviously "bat shit crazy", as Freud put it. And, thanks to postmarks, we know they sent it from here in the city.

I've been thinking of getting my wife many things for her upcoming birthday, it never dawned on me that a potential stalker could be the gift that keeps on giving.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

But Whose Doesn't?

The more I see myself in the mirror as I grow facial hair, the more I worry my wife has a Ted Kaczynski fantasy.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Be Thankful I Don't Post A Picture

I stopped shaving a few weeks ago for the same reason I've never killed anyone. I'm REALLY lazy. That and the fact that my wife is apparently turned on by patchy-faced-geriatric-homeless-werewolves.