Thursday, April 28, 2011

Because...I Care

So yet again my wife, Brunhilda, and my daughter, Gretel, are both sick at the same time. One of them is vomiting all over themselves, others, and furniture. The other sounds like somebody shoved a goose into their sinuses when they talk.

I'll leave it to your imaginations which is which.

My point is...Drum-Roll Please...(Hear Drum-Roll in head) I'm as healthy as an Ox. I smoke, drink, and do drugs and that's my diet (Hear Rim-Shot in head).

But seriously folks, I think I may be the genetic freak so many of you have suspected I was. I mean who gets told two different times they might have two different types of cancer by two different doctors, only to be told TWICE "Well no it's not cancer, but you've got all the symptoms."

ME! That's who. So seeing as my "healthy living" wife and daughter are the apparent sickies in the family, I am now officially announcing the Verbal Hooligan Lifestyle Plan (Trademark/Patent Pending).

Smoke, Drink, Do Drugs.

And kids, I'm a professional. You can trust me.

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